dead pool submissions 2008

Good morning to 2008. Here are the first lists, this will be updated over the course of the week, probably. All hail our dark master, President Lord Cheney.






Kevin’s list

Roger Ebert
Eunice Kennedy Shriver
Artie Lang
BB King
Fidel Castro
Charlton Heston
Mohammed Ali
Nancy Reagan
Billy Graham
Albert Hoffman



Erin's list

Albert Hoffman
Jane Russell
Estel Ghetty
Kirk Douglas
Don Rickles
Sid Caeser
Bettie Paige
Harry Morgan
Tony Curtis
Fidel Castro

Alternate
Harvey Korman

Kevin DuBrow

Kevin DuBrow died yesterday. He was the singer for Quiet Riot. This band had a huge impact on the 80s, HUGE. This band single handedly changed my life. When I was in grade school, I remember that song coming out 'come on feel the noise'. I loved it. It changed my entire perspective on music. I was not remotely a metal dude until that song. It opened the doors of power chords and hessian hair. I was in! After that, Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax all followed. Metal Church, Dio, Iron Maiden... check!


To me, that all grew out of hearing that song. It literally changed who I was as a person. You know me as many avatars: Kevin, Lono, Master of Death emeritus, and rock guy. Rock guy owes a lot to Kevin DuBrow. That album was the first 'metal' album to go platinum. It opened the door for real bands.


See, Kevin DuBrow was mostly a douchebag. He got crazy greedy after the success of 'Metal Health' and was never heard from again. The band broke up, you know, several times. They kept recording and making albums, it's just that no one could tolerate DuBrow (you hear me, Roth?). Dude sadly ended up totally broke and living with his mother the last ten years.


Another significant historical rock mention should be made here. Quiet Riot's guitarist was a kid named Randy Rhoads. He left the band to go work for the singer that Sabbath fired. Together, they invented rock and roll with 'Crazy Train', 'Flying High Again', and 'Goodbye to Romance'. Sadly, Randy died years ago when he was a kid (27, of course).

All Hail our Great Master

Meet Oscar. Oscar is our dark master. Oscar is that adorable cat above who knows when you are going to die. Let's say that one more time for emphasis. Oscar knows when you are going to die. Oscar lives in a hospice, and whenever he visits a patiend and cuddles up with them, they die within two hours. Every fucking time. Luck of the draw, eh? No, he has hit this 25 times in a row.


Oscar is better at predicting death than the people who work there, said Dr. Joan Teno of Brown University. ">Oscar is so accurate that after the 13th time, when Oscar visits a patient the staff calls their family immediately. Look how cute he is. Understand, though, that Oscar is murdering elderly Americans. Felinicide! Come on, 25 times in a row he visits someone and they die? It doesnt' take Steven King to put you finger on this one. The cat kills people.

After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar was making his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He’d sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would die in a few hours.

Oscar is better at predicting death than the people who work there, said Dr. Joan Teno of Brown University.

She was convinced of Oscar’s talent when he made his 13th correct call.

I think we may need to add a new clause, after the 'Terry Schiavo clause', the 'Malibu Julz clause', the 'Kevin clause'... there is the Oscar clause. I am not even sure what that means, but did you ever notice wherever Jessica Fletcher showed up to people died? Isn't that a concern? How was she never a suspect? Oscar is the feline 'murder she wrote', and I am adopting that cat and sending it to the White House.

2007 > the Submissions

Before we get to this years lists, we should touch on a new rule this year; the Terry Schiavo clause. One's death can not be the cause of one's celebrities, a la 'the world's oldest person', or of course Terry Schiavo. Terry Schiavo was a dumb narcissist who overdosed on weight loss pills. Not newsworthy... except for the dying part. As for the second part of that clause, you might call it the 'Kevin clause of the Terry Schiavo clause'. Anyhow, onto the lists - worst of luck to you all, and break a leg!


Roy's list:



Charles Lane
Roy Neuberger
Ronnie Hawkins
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Dick Clark
Mark (deep throat) Felt
Brooke Astor
Harold Pinter
Haji Mohammed Suharto
John (Ozzy) Osbourne
alternate: Ronnie Biggs


Kevin's List (MOD emeritus®)

Pete Doherty - 27 year old rock star, need I say more?
Lindsay Lohan - hot, young, pantyless dope fiend
Tammy Faye Baker - cancer
BB King
Fidel Castro
Charlton Heston
Kurt Vonnegut
Liz Taylor
Billy Graham
Annette Funicello

alternate:
Dick Clark

Lilly von Schtupp (Erin M)

Maureen O'Hara
Pete Doherty
Dick Clark
Mel Brooks
Betty Page
Casey Casem
les Paul
Jane Russel
Bea Arthur
Mohammed Ali

Rev Eddie Cortez

Mohammed Ali
Bruce Bennet
Kirk Douglas
Billy Graham
Lady Bird Johnson
Claude Levi Strauss
Luciano Pavarotti
Ariel Sharon
Maggie Thatcher
Lil' Bow Wow
(Cousin) Drew Dunsmir

Lady Bird Johnson
Tammy Faye Bakker
Betty Ford
Brook Astor
Maurice Papon (Nazi)
Norodom Sihanok (ex Cambodian leader)
Charlton Heston
Wilford Brimley (oatmeal loyalist)
Nancy Reagan
Ariel Sharon
alternate:

Mariah Carey

Sage's list

Emiliano Del Toro
Ariel Sharon
Fidel Castro
Gerald Ford
Brooke Astor
Billy Graham
Elizabeth Taylor
Manjit Bawa
Dick Clark
Charlton Heston

alternate: Charles Lane


Malibu Julz' list


Jesse Helms
Tammy Faye Baker Messner
Fidel Castro
Stephen Hawking
Billy Graham
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Vaclav Havel
Estelle Getty
Lady Bird Johnson
Jane Wyman

Alternate:

Karl Malden


Mackenzie S' list

Tammy Faye baker Messner
Estelle Getty
Stephen Hawking
Jake the snake Roberts
Albert Hoffman
Brooke Astor
Billy Graham
Fidel Castro
Osama Bin Laden
Ariel Sharon

alternate

Kirk Douglas

2007 Dead Pool picks!

are coming rather soon. Am tired and going to bed soon, have to work tomorrow. That is how rock and roll my life is on new years. I'll have everyone's pics up in the next day or so. Happy (and safe) New Year! If you have not already, please e mail your pics to me - lono33(at)comcast.net

thanks,

kpl - rock guy

Peter Boyle

Peter Boyle is gone, and that is a bummer. Besides a great actor who took the almost all the best roles ever (only Christopher Lloyd ranks higher in great character roles)... but I believe he was a really nice guy. In Hollywood, like rock and roll, I believe most successful people are assmunches. In fact, I am already an assmunch in anticipation of one day being good at something.


I know you first met him in that Mel Brooks movie, Young Frankenstein. That was before my time. I first met him as Hunter S Thompson's lawyer Lazlo (Oscar Zeta Acosta) in the Bill Murray film 'Where the Buffalo Roam'. Did you know that Boyle was a monk? Yeah, the making beer praying to the lord type. Also, he was a very close friend of John Lennon. That carries a lot of weight with me.


Why else does Peter Boyle rule? Because he did the X Files, a few of them. I used to love that show like I loved the Sopranos. I used to love that show like I used to love Lost. Farewell, Pete. As your attorney, I advise you to have a drink with Hunter and Lennon wherever it is you three are.

Syd Barrett - Piper at the gates of Heaven

Syd Barrett is gone. You don't think you know Syd, but you do. He started a pretty influential English band, Pink Floyd. Problem is, Syd went crazy on acid very early in his career. When I saw crazy, I mean that the guy once thought he was a glass of orange juice and would not let anyone near him for fear he would be tipped over.

They had to send Syd to the funny farm and out of the band way back in the early 60's. Syd was always in the band's heart, though. They wrote 'Shine on you crazy diamond' about Syd, as is 'Wish you were here' dedicated to him. Nobody knows much about what or where Syd has been up in the last 40 years... until yesterday when he passed at age 60.

If you take a look at this Syd song for Floyd, you can maybe get a hint at his budding (though adorable) craziness coming around the bend. This is a song he wrote called 'Bike' and it is catchy as hell.

I've got a bike. You can ride it if you like.
It's got a basket, a bell that rings and
Things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could, but I borrowed it.
You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, ev'rything if you want things.
I've got a cloak. It's a bit of a joke.
There's a tear up the front. It's red and black.
I've had it for months.
If you think it could look good, then I guess it should.
You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, ev'rything if you want things.
I know a mouse, and he hasn't got a house.
I don't know why. I call him Gerald.
He's getting rather old, but he's a good mouse.
You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, ev'rything if you want things.
I've got a clan of gingerbread men.
Here a man, there a man, lots of gingerbread men.
Take a couple if you wish. They're on the dish.
You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, ev'rything if you want things.
I know a room of musical tunes.
Some rhyme, some ching. Most of them are clockwork.
Let's go into the other room and make them work.

Shine on, Syd... you crazy dead bastard!